Blue Manifesto Letter from the Editor
Playlist
Not Full Enough
Henri Bergson on Possibility and Creation
Anonymized Letter
L,,
I’ve been trying so hard to not write this letter, but holding it in won’t work any longer.
I hope you’re well, that your family is healthy, that your work fulfills you. I think about these things often.
On xxxxxxxxxxxxxx – the winter solstice – I became a mother. My son’s name is xxxxxx. He is my whole world. I’m sure you know what I mean.
When you last messaged me, please know I wanted to respond so badly. At that time, I was in relationship with someone who had asked me to stop talking to every man I knew except my father and brother. I felt the need to be perfectly obedient to him, so I shut you out.
At that time I also believed, as I still do, that us not talking is in your family’s best interest.
I am so ashamed and deeply sorry for how I came between you and xxxx. Even though I did not initiate what happened, I am guilty for participating. For the sake of your relationship with her, I will never, ever say a word – but I wonder if you have considered coming forward, or done so already.
I did not realize until I became a mother how sacred family is, and how fragile.
I did not realize what we had sown until my (soon ex) husband cheated on me when I was pregnant and again at four months postpartum – on my birthday.
It’s very easy as a young, single woman to rationalize participation in men’s wrongs. As a mother who has seen the glee and unapologetic fervor of the tens of women who pursued my husband knowing that my son and I existed, I feel horrified.
I don’t have much else to say. I still think of you. Which I suppose, without wanting to be presumptuous but given our tie, likely means you still think of me.
With fondness from a distance,,
C