Anonymized Letter

By X

L,,

I’ve been trying so hard to not write this letter, but holding it in won’t work any longer.

I hope you’re well, that your family is healthy, that your work fulfills you. I think about these things often.

On xxxxxxxxxxxxxx – the winter solstice – I became a mother. My son’s name is xxxxxx. He is my whole world. I’m sure you know what I mean.

When you last messaged me, please know I wanted to respond so badly. At that time, I was in relationship with someone who had asked me to stop talking to every man I knew except my father and brother. I felt the need to be perfectly obedient to him, so I shut you out.

At that time I also believed, as I still do, that us not talking is in your family’s best interest.

I am so ashamed and deeply sorry for how I came between you and xxxx. Even though I did not initiate what happened, I am guilty for participating. For the sake of your relationship with her, I will never, ever say a word – but I wonder if you have considered coming forward, or done so already.

I did not realize until I became a mother how sacred family is, and how fragile.
I did not realize what we had sown until my (soon ex) husband cheated on me when I was pregnant and again at four months postpartum – on my birthday.

It’s very easy as a young, single woman to rationalize participation in men’s wrongs. As a mother who has seen the glee and unapologetic fervor of the tens of women who pursued my husband knowing that my son and I existed, I feel horrified.

I don’t have much else to say. I still think of you. Which I suppose, without wanting to be presumptuous but given our tie, likely means you still think of me.

With fondness from a distance,,